Why SportClips Is The Best Thing To Happen To Men

Finally, a business gets it.

men getting cuts while watching the game

Men of the world, rejoice! I just received a decent haircut and watched sports at the same time. Where did this happen? At none other than SportClips, the barbershop for men who want to get a trim and watch good ole’ Tim (Tebow) all at once. Sounds too good to be true, right? Well, it’s true. I went there. And up on the salon wall in big red letters, I read the company’s slogan, “It’s Good to Be a Guy.”

You know, it is good to be a guy, and I’m glad that a company like SportClips finally had the balls to say it. I personally feel like the rest of the world is always trying to tear us down. Always telling us that men are “murderers” and “criminals” and “terrorists” and “abusive.” That’s not me! I’m not any of those things!!! In a world where it’s pretty tough or at least moderately inconvenient to be a guy, I’m glad that we have a sanctuary like SportClips.

The atmosphere of this place is sure to make any guy feel at home. I mean, the chairs in the waiting section are made to look like stadium seats. It feels like you’re at the game!!! I sat in the swivel chair and hot babe named Kristen put a robe on me that was decorated with black and white referee stripes. It really made me feel like I called the shots!

I could tell that Kristen has dealt with many real men before, as she didn’t even ask me what kind of haircut I wanted. She just started chopping. Awesome! Don’t ask me about haircuts!! I don’t care!! Shave me, shut up, and let me watch the game!!! And that is exactly what Kristen did. She asked me a few probing small-talk questions at first to see if I would crack. I ignored them all by staring at “SportsCenter” on the flat-screen TV. Eventually, she got the hint!!!

It’s nice to have a woman actually listen to me, unlike my rude wife, Diane! I’ll be watching the game at home and she’ll always interrupt by saying dumb things like, “I’m worried about our son,” or “Have you seen our son?” or “I’m getting suspicious and concerned because the last time I saw our son was right before that father/son camping trip you two went on last week. Did he ever come home?” You know, dumb wife talk? So annoying.

If any of you guys out there have a wife like mine, let me assure you that SportClips is a great place to catch up on sports and have some peace and quiet. And that’s just the beginning. After my very short and silent haircut, Kristen asked me if I wanted the “MVP Treatment.” You know, like “Most Valuable Player?” Like in sports? I thought, “Well, I’m the Most Valuable Player in my life,” so I obviously agreed. Kristen then took me to a back room, gave me a little massage, put a hot towel on my face, and shampooed my hair. The shampooing was very appreciated, as I haven’t taken a shower in, hmm, let’s see, ever. All in all, the MVP Treatment was pretty hot and definitely made me feel like an MVP, like in sports!

SportClips logo and epic slogan

So many salons out there try to make men feel like girls. They have chatty female barbers or they have those weird domes that go over your head or they ask if you use any “products” in your hair. All of this is disguised hatred towards men. Males of America, if we want to be taken seriously, we need to unite and start acting like what the media says we should act like. We need to stop going to any barber that doesn’t remind us that “it’s good to be a guy.” Because you know what? It is. It is good to be a guy. It’s the best to be a guy. Being a guy is the best. Better than anyone or anything else ever. We are supreme. We are mighty. We are men and I will kill anyone who disagrees with any of my opinions, including my own son. Men, be proactive. Go to SportClips. Be the MVP (MAN Valuable Player).

guy with dimples!!! contributing writer for The Chicago Genius Herald. he/him