How a standing desk ruined my life.

Posted by: GeorgeOfTheFungle2000

Review: 2/5 stars

I purchased the UPSTAND X20 Standing Desk for my home office last Christmas. Like most other standing desks on the market, this desk has two buttons that can convert it from a sitting height to a standing height, which is great! My main complaint is that this standing desk has also started walking, running, and is growing stronger at an alarming rate.

The first couple of days were fine. I would use the “SIT’’ mode during the morning and then the “STAND” mode during the afternoon to avoid the post-lunch sleepies. After a few…

Embarrassed, I sprinted into the empty locker room with tears streaming down my face. I took a moment to collect myself before looking in the mirror to see that my lip was still bleeding.

“Well, that’s gonna be a hit with the ladies,” I muttered to no one.

Just then, NBA Legend Michael Jordan barged into the locker room, brimming with concern. He scanned the room until he spotted me by the mirror.

“Kevin!” Michael Jordan shouted. “What’s going on, bro? You have to get back on the court. The game isn’t over.”

“I can’t do it, Michael Jordan,” I…

Dear Geek Squad Applicant,

Congratulations! You have been selected as a New Recruit for Best Buy’s Geek Squad Class of 2020! By joining Geek Squad, you will be choosing a path of righteousness: to serve yourself and your community through quality on-demand tech support. Based on the results of your aptitude test and information we’ve gathered secretly via your smartphone, we have determined that you would be a perfect fit for our organization.

Our Story:

Geek Squad was founded in 1906 by a man named Nikola Tesla. Originally named “Tech Illuminati”, the group’s name was eventually changed in an attempt to appear…

Finally, a business gets it.

Men of the world, rejoice! I just received a decent haircut and watched sports at the same time. Where did this happen? At none other than SportClips, the barbershop for men who want to get a trim and watch good ole’ Tim (Tebow) all at once. Sounds too good to be true, right? Well, it’s true. I went there. And up on the salon wall in big red letters, I read the company’s slogan, “It’s Good to Be a Guy.”

You know, it is good to be a guy, and I’m glad that a company…

Alan Giles

guy with dimples!!! contributing writer for The Chicago Genius Herald. he/him

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